Friday, March 26, 2010

Blind Faith

I’m not one of those people who believes that the universe is talking to me all the time. I’m pretty sure my existence is too inconsequential for the universe to be singling me out with subtle messages. Yet, I do believe at times, the universe speaks to us and we can listen and learn or ignore it at our own peril.

For me the universe speaks in rhythms and patterns and the older I get the easier it becomes to identify the “signs” so to speak. Okay, so here it goes, (and however politically incorrect it is, I apologize in advance), but whenever I’m approaching a cross road in my life I start seeing blind people- literally everywhere. It’s uncanny when it starts to stand out.

I was going through a major transition about six months ago; something more metaphysically minded folks would have called a transformation. I called it a train wreck. Because that’s pretty much what it feels like when everything about what you perceive, and how you perceive it, is called in to question. I’m not really an “embrace change” kinda gal. I know how I like my coffee in the morning and I know where I want the eggs to be sitting when I look for them in the fridge. So, when I’m going through a “transformation” I always find it terrifying.

Around this time I was seeing blind people everywhere. I even remember driving down South Lamar here in Austin at eleven or twelve o’clock one night, (in a non residential area) and seeing two, well dressed, blind people together, dragging luggage down the street. Why would anyone being dragging luggage down South Lamar at that hour?

So, that was six months ago and as I waded my way through the uncertainty I understood the message to be, “Keep walking your path. You don’t get to see where you’re going or where you’re headed. Find your faith; stop asking God to give you what you want and start asking for the strength to go get what you want. This is your path whether you can see it or not”. I know it’s a long message. What can I say? Since I probably don’t listen to the universe as much as I should when it’s got my ear, it makes sure I can hear it.

I thought, having just endured this last inner challenge that I was good to go for at least a few years. No major upheavals thank you very much. I don’t do train wreck well and I definitely don’t enjoy it. No such luck. Just when I thought I was getting steady on my feet something else knocks me back on my butt. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I kept thinking “You’ve got to be kidding me?! I just made it through that last shit storm and now you’re gonna slam me with another?!”

So, I’m standing outside a venue getting ready to play the other day contemplating these new inner challenges when, go figure, a blind man walks by. Of course, I take note of it because it’s become significant to me. What am I failing to see this time? Is that the message? Something I’m not seeing? Last time the message was walk your path, you have to find your faith in the dark, not knowing where you’re going. Yet, something was different about this blind man. He had a cane but he wasn’t using it. He was holding it straight up and walking with confidence.

Two women were approaching him from behind to pass. I could see his body stiffen a little, from the uncertainty of strangers. I thought he was trying to gauge how close they were and how fast they would pass him but he never hesitated or slowed down. Then, with the cane still straight up in the air he turned the corner.

I remember thinking, “How did he know where to turn? He wasn’t using his cane”. Then it dawned on me. He was familiar with the neighborhood and he must do something in his head, like know how many steps it takes to walk that block because he knew exactly where to turn. That’s when I knew what the message was. It’s not just about faith, it’s also about trust. You don’t get to see where you’re going but if you trust what you do know, you’ll always know exactly where you are and how to get there.